I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
