shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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