Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
