Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize