Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
