yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
