At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
