i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
