the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
