I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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