Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
