we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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