Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
