i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
