U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
