it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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