Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
