How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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