Just fell off a train. Bad.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My balls are so social today.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
