would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So apparently I’m into choking now
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