i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
