we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize