ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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