i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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