Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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