Someone shit on the floor
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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