and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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