Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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