i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
