you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize