My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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