I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
