where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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