College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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