So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
