Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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