Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
