When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
