I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize