dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize