yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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