I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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