Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
