security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
