remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
