oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize