I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
