I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize