we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
