Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Actions speak louder than pants.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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