the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
