Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
