this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
