He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
