I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
