I don't usually arrange sex via text message
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
