if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
