Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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