does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Holy sore nipples Batman
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
