Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
