Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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