There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
