Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
