ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
