ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
