Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
