If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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