if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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