I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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