woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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