i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize