One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
