did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
not ubering you a puppy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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