How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
