yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize