if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
