yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
