he puts the penis in happiness.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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