i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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