She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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