I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
