The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize