i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
