I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
