Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
