Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
