Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
