Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
