Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize