im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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