Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
