i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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